What is Joy?

Joining Lisa-Jo and others this morning for Five Minute Friday, where we cut the words loose for just five minutes, and see where they fall. No editing, just encouraging the others who play along. The topic today is Joy.

"Joy.... I think it is when you know with every fiber of your being that things are in their proper order, the way things ought to be." It was a different definition than I expected my husband to give, but sometimes coming at something from a different angle helps. Everything is in it's proper order, it's proper place. 

That means, God is in control and I accept and submit to that. I don't fight and struggle against the things I don't like, because I can choose to trust Him even when there are difficult hard things.

That means that I choose to live my life in harmony with the sphere He has given me. I am a wife, and that means I have certain obligations to my husband. I am a mother, and that means that I have certain responsibilities toward my daughter(s). I can choose resentment, or I can choose acceptance. Only one of those options is the path to joy. 

This explains why it is possible to choose joy in the midst of sorrow--why joy and sadness can exist at once. Sadness may be the opposite of happiness, but it is not the opposite of joy. I can be sad, I can grieve the loss of my son, Christian William. I should  be sad, I should grieve. The loss of a child is something that ought to bring sorrow. But there is joy in that sorrow as well. I know my son is happy, with Jesus. I know never meeting him on this earth was part of God's sovereign plan. I know the separation is temporary, a few years, and then our family will be together again. While my mother's heart still grieves, I can find peace in trust and submission. 

So while there is sorrow, there can also be joy, because--as much as is possible in a world of sin and the curse--things are in their proper order. God is in control. He is a good God, a kind Savior, a gracious Lord. He is worthy of trust. As long as I choose to believe and submit, as long as I choose trust, there is joy. 

The Mom-Fairy

No one ever prepared me for the amount of uncertainty in parenting. When my daughter was born I had about 5 books that I constantly referenced. One or two in the bathroom, one or two in the bedroom, one or two in the living room. I picked each of them up at least once or twice every few days, often more depending on which book was closest and which questions I happened need answers to that particular day.

I distinctly remember a few (okay, many) occasions when I'd toss the book down in frustration, unable to find an answer to the very specific issue I was dealing with. How was I supposed to know why the tiny person was crying? I'd tried everything!

All I wanted was an awesome mom fairy to sit on my shoulder and tell me exactly what my daughter needed--or a book that always had the exact right answer for that exact situation. I wasn't prepared for the serious learning curve of motherhood. I don't think anyone ever is.

The last couple weeks have been another learning curve. My sweet little girl, who has slept through the night for well over a year now, has been up more nights than she hasn't in the last couple weeks. First it was teething. Then a growth spurt. Then nightmares. Then allergies or a cold. I'm sure moving to a new home and totally disrupting her schedule--oh, and time change--hasn't helped. Toss in a couple nights where the new puppy was also dealing with the toddler issues of teething, growth spurt, a new diet, and a new home (and letting us all know about it in the middle of the night), and you have a recipe that would make even the most committed two year old sleeper wake up crying a few times.

I still don't have a mom-fairy to sit on my shoulder and tell me what my daughter needs, or a book that always has specific advice for that specific night's waking ("She's hungry, Sophia, take her a snack." or "It's a bad dream--she just needs a hug and to know that she is safe and everything is going to be okay"). And I have to admit, in the middle of the night I still think those things would be nice.

That said, God designed parenting the way He did for a reason. If I had a magic answer book, I wouldn't be quite as quick to plead for His help. I wouldn't be quite so fast to recognize my need for His wisdom. I probably wouldn't direct my daughter's attention to Him quite as naturally. And I certainly wouldn't learn nearly as much. Magic books and fairy-moms sound great in the bleary-eyed exhausted morning hours, but the training in trust and wisdom God gives me in the boot-camp of pre-dawn parenting is more valuable than any quick-fix that gets me back to sleep faster.

I'm not sure how long this stage will last, but while it is here I'm going to enjoy the extra time I have with my eldest daughter--the only child for just a few more weeks. I'm going to treasure her sleepy hugs, and the press of her body curling into mine. I'm going to thank God for the extra time we have together, no matter what hour of the night it is. I'm going to keep asking for wisdom and grace in every moment. I'm going to choose joy and thankfulness.

And I'm going to sleep in, as often as possible.

Meeting other homeschool moms, a little (or a lot!) farther down the path than I am
Getting ALL of the laundry done AND put away
Spur of the moment time with family
A fun game night
Great deals at a new-to-me store
Learning that "no" (even to myself) is the most freeing word in the English language

An early morning with my hubby
Sleeping in
Enjoying a good audio book while cleaning
Dreaming
Technology that allows me to join in on church services, even when I'm miles away with a sick little one
Birds, singing in the morning
Puppy pounces
A completed hand made table!!

Crowd of Dreams

My Sister in Law, Grace, challenged me in our accountability call to start writing again. "If you don't want to write your own blog post, at least join in on Five Minute Friday. You can do that."  At her prodding I agreed, although hestantly. Five Minute Friday has come and gone at least once since then, but here is my addition, late though it may be.

Here are the rules:
 1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you and leave an encouraging comment.

 Life has changed tremendously--gone places I could never have foreseen just three months ago. We have a backyard now, and a dog, a sweet not-so-little playhouse on stilts and nearly an acre of land to call our own. And then there is the baby--a sweet little girl due to make her way into this world in May, sometime around Mother's day (wouldn't that be a great day to celebrate her birth!).


I've had so many thoughts crowding through my mind lately. Dreams that used to be out of reach are solidly within the realm of possibility. Projects I've looked forward to are now achievable. My mind goes a mile a minute jumping from one thing to another. A garden? Some animals? More quilting? A mini orchard? Permaculture? Having company over just because it is more convienant now? Maybe even a tea party or two?

It all feels urgent as the countdown to baby begins in earnest. About 10 weeks left before my life takes a permanent change, before I have a newborn to take up most of my attention. If I want to start something new, it is either now or not for awhile. I felt the pressure of dreams waiting to be released into reality, dreams I'd waited so patiently for now begging to for freedom.

I wrote them all down--these thoughts crowding through my head. I took each one captive with a pencil and bound it with lead to paper. It all seemed so reasonable as each dream spoke to me--I can do all of this! Was my thought as I researched and studied. And yet, there are a dozen things on that list. More than one a week to do before the baby comes, and the smallest thing on the list involves potty training a toddler (and house training a puppy? I should put that down also...). Ha!

So, the crowd of dreams and thoughts are held at bay, chained to their paper. I step back and realize that even making just two or three of them a reality in the next couple months will be a major accomplishment. I am free to say "no" to the others for now. Or, perhaps, not "no" but simply, "be patient for just a little while longer."

As I think on these dreams, this crowd of self-drive and enthusiasm that I've just said "no" to, it occurs to me:

Perhaps the most freeing word in the English language is "No."


(definitely more than five minutes. There were diapers. And meals to put away. And two toddlers--of the human and canine variety--that needed naps. But! I did it. And that's the most important thing.)

Dear newlywed

I was recently asked to write a blessing for a newlywed. As I started writing, I realized what was going down on paper was the same prayer I've prayed for every newlywed wife since I was married. I am sure it is the same prayer that was prayed for me. I'm saving it here.

Dear Newlywed,

my prayer for you is that you will become a wonderful wife and mother. I pray that you will learn to love your husband in a way you can't even imagine now (you probably think I'm silly for saying it's possible to love your hubby even more than you already do. That's okay. I thought the old married people were silly for saying it also). Love done right only grows with time. Your heart gets bigger.

I pray that the often difficult lessons of honoring and respecting your husband would come easy to you. Sometimes it's okay to just let something go, to choose to honor your husband instead of choosing to be right. I can't tell you why or how this works, but I can tell you it does. Remember that the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit is valuable in the sight of God.

I pray your marriage will be fruitful, and that your little ones will be the light of your eyes and joy of your heart. I pray that even when you are exhausted in a way you truly can't imagine now, you will understand the joy that parents can't put into words. How looking into one tiny face, seeing one tiny smile just for you, and suddenly it's all worth it--in a way you can't describe to anyone else. I pray that the joys of motherhood would be fully, wholly, completely yours.

I pray that you and your entire family would become masters of forgiveness--of each other, and of yourselves. Families fall apart over bitter, harsh words. They thrive on forgiveness. Remember to forgive yourself also--for not being perfect, for not being the wife or mother that you thought you would be. If you don't forgive yourself, you'll take it out on your family. That doesn't work (been there, done that). When you are frustrated or upset with any member of your family (even yourself), take it to God. He knows all about it, and it just waiting for you to come to him with it.

I pray that you remember every single day that you are the one that sets the tone in your home. If you are happy and cheerful, you will have a pleasant an inviting home. If you are sad, exhausted, and overwhelmed you can be sure that your family will seem stressed as well. Your husband may be the head of your home, but you, dear wife, are its heart. That is more power than you know.

I pray that you'll remember Who loves you with an everlasting, unending, phenomenally beautiful love. I pray that you will strive every day to throw yourself onto His loving-kindness, and remember that his mercies are new every day.

I pray that your marriage would be a beautiful and that will bless the world.

Coconut Flour Pancakes

Dear Tirza,

In the last couple months I have introduced you to the wonders of pancakes. Because I have decided not to give you gluten grains for awhile, I had to be creative when it came to baked goods. When I stumbled on a recipe for coconut flour pancakes I knew I had to try it and see how you liked it. It was a hit!!

Now I make a batch of these every few days and store them in the fridge or freezer. You eat at least one each day, and often two. I usually have about three. I'm glad you like it so much, because these pancakes are fairly high in protein, and have lots of good healthy fat.

5 eggs

1 cup organic apple sauce

1/4 cup coconut milk

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 cup coconut flour

Add ins of choice (your favorite is blueberries)

1. Heat griddle or skillet to medium heat (I lean toward a medium low heat, and let them cook longer)
2. Whip eggs together until fluffy (don't skip this step to save time! your pancakes will be flat!)
3. Add all ingredients except add ins and coconut flour. Beat together.
4. Add coconut flour and mix well. Gently stir in any add ins. Allow mixture to stand for a minute or two to thicken.
5. Make small pancakes on the hot griddle--I make them about the size of my palm.
6. Allow to cook for several minutes on both sides. Coconut flour pancakes cook slower than wheat pancakes. I cook for at least 5 minutes on the first side, but you will need to pay attention until you get the hang of it. If you try to flip the pancake and it's still gooey--that's too soon. Give it a bit longer.
7. After cooking on both sides, remove from griddle and enjoy!

Usually I give you your pancakes plain or with a bit of applesauce on top. My favorite way to enjoy them is either with homemade strawberry jam or maple syrup. You love the sweetness of mommy's, but I'm careful about your sugar intake so for now you just get occasional tastes of mine. So far we're both happy with the arrangement.

The recipe is based on Wellness Mama's recipe, and Fluffy Coconut Flour pancakes by Nourishing Days

14 months and counting

Dear Tirza,

You are 14 months old now, and growing up so fast! It really is hard for me to believe how far you've come, and yet also hard for me to remember what life was like just a few months ago. You've been crawling for awhile. You can stand, but not walk (unless you are holding my hand). You took a first step the other day, but when you realized what you'd done you sat down right away.

We dance a lot. I turn on big band or Celtic music, and we dance jigs all around the house. You stand up and bounce tentatively up and down then clap your hands. You sometimes turn circles on your hands and knees since you can't stand and twirl like mommy yet. When we visit your grandparents or great grandparents, you'll turn on some of their musical toys and dance there. The more people watching the better.

As I sit here on the floor you are crawling in circles around me. You stop every so often and grin at me, and I give you a bite of my breakfast. I've given you more than a bite, really. You've eaten it all. Two eggs, two tiny purple potatoes, and a couple onion slices in a scramble. Then two coconut flour pancakes with strawberry jam. I did manage a few bites, but you ate most of it. Your appetite constantly amazes your aunts and uncles--Arthur and Christiana in particular are impressed (and fairly convinced that eating is the ONLY thing you do).

One of your latest discoveries is Inside and Outside. You are fascinated by taking smaller objects and placing them inside larger objects. One of your favorite toys is a glass vase that you carry around with you. Any small objects like coins, bobby pins, pens and/or pencils get placed in the vase. Then you ask me to empty it, so you can fill it again. You are equally interested in pulling things out of drawers. If we leave the Tshirt drawer open, the clothes will be pulled out. If I'm not watching, the diaper drawer is emptied. I like to see how much you are learning.

Sometimes you help me around the house. Last week you tried to help me unpack groceries. You decided that it would be less work if we skipped the unpacking, putting away in the fridge, taking out of the fridge, and preparing steps, and instead go straight to the eating. I got the blackberries for you so I didn't mind you eating them, but unfortunately I still haven't figured how to get the stains out of the carpet. Oh, well. The picture is adorable. And you really did mean well.

Another late development is that you like us to read books to you. You thought of that on your own, because I never was good at reading to you when you were younger. You will come to your daddy or I with a book in your hand, and ask us to read by actually opening our fingers and wrapping them around the book. I see you crawling over here with a copy of Hermie the Wormie (or something like that) and a copy of Zack's Alligator. Looks like it is time to  wrap this up.

I love you, dear.

Your mommy

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