Dance of motherhood

Joining Lisa-Jo and others this morning for Five Minute Friday, where we cut the words loose for just five minutes, and see where they fall. No editing, just encouraging the others who play along. The topic today is Identity.



It's like a dance, this journey of motherhood. The give, the take. The weaving in and out through other people, focusing on your partner to the exclusion of the other couples on the floor. Reading signals that no one else can read. Turning what could be a disastrous sprawling calamity into a graceful dance.

I'm awkward now. Its a new dance to me--one commenced 4 weeks and 5 hours ago. I read her signals, but am I always right? That cry--does it say,"I'm tired!" or "I'm really, really REALLY hungry RIGHT NOW mommy!" or "I just want you to hold me, please--and please--hurry!!" Sometimes I can't tell. I have to experiment. Did this work? Yes? Great! Oh, it didn't work? Well, lets try something else.

It's a dance, a give and take. A dance I've wanted to learn for years, but was afraid of. It looked hard. It looked complicated. And it is. But at the same time it's not.

The beginner steps aren't hard--they are very, very simple. I just have to learn her. Her needs are simple. Therefore, the steps are fairly simple now. I move clumsy, but I'm keeping time. I'm doing it, one little step at a time. As she grows her needs will become more complex, the dance steps will be more involved. It starts simple, but it becomes an art form; The dance of motherhood.

It's a girl!

A little over three weeks ago, our little girl was born. Her name is Tirza Salome--it means Beautiful, Pleasant Peace. And she is beautiful--both in name and in person. I am in love all over again. And I'm not the only one. My husband wrote her a beautiful letter for Fathers day. 


The labor was early, fast, and full of the unexpected. It was unexpectedly wonderful, though. I'm in the process of writing our birth story, perhaps I will post it here. 

Tirza, the day she was born

I love watching Tirza. She has an assortment of facial expressions that keep us laughing. She doesn't know what the expressions mean yet, she's just practicing with her muscles. But she is still amusing, and the times that she seems to respond to those around her make us laugh (like yesterday evening, when I asked her if she was sleepy, and she raised a brow as if to say "What do you think?!").

We see this one a lot, and it leads me to believe she'll be an opinionated young lady!

As I sit here writing I am listening to her sleep. Sometimes she snores (which is hilarious in such a tiny baby), but this time she's just cooing. Other people say she looks so tiny, but I can't believe how quickly she has grown.  She looks so different now than she did when she was born, and she's so much bigger and stronger than she was then. Not only is she gaining well over an oz a day, when I put her down for her nap a few minutes ago she held her head up for the first time.

I hadn't planned on taking a blogging break when she was born, but once she was here I didn't want to spend time doing anything else. I have lost all conception of time--it slips by unnoticed as I watch my little one grow and change. I do plan on getting back to writing here regularly, but I'm not sure how much longer it will be, or what (if any) changes I'll make once I am back to writing regularly. We'll see. For now all I want to do is spend time with my bundle of blessings.

Freezer cooking update

I posted earlier this month that one of my goals for May was to have a good store of Freezer meals for post baby. We won't be needing to use them right away. The first week after Baby comes our church will provide meals for us, or at least dinners. The next few weeks four of my husband's sisters will rotate staying with us, and they will make the meals. Baby will probably be about 4 weeks old before I'm required to actually get back to shopping and cooking on my own. (Blessing on blessing!)

That said, I want to ease back into full swing as gently as possible. One way I can lighten the burden is by providing freezer meals for that transition time. My goal was to have about a month worth of food prepared, including breakfast and dinner for the whole family, and pre-made brown-bag-lunches for my man.

I was pretty faithful in posting about my progress earlier this month. I posted about breakfast pizza, french toast and Freezer Burritos. I pulled together 18 meals worth of Tilapia thanks to Zaycon. My biggest cooking day was when I got 30lbs of chicken breast, and with the help of my doula, Vanessa, packaged it up into pre-made freezer meals.

My favorite recipe of the month was Calzones. I can't believe that I never made them before--they are so much fun to make, GREAT for brown bag lunches, and can be stuffed with pretty much anything you have in your fridge/pantry (so long as they have cheese)! Basically, they are the Italian equivalent of burritos--and I prefer calzones over burritos. So that works out great!

I haven't posted as much the last couple weeks about the progress, but I have still been working on it little by little. The posts wouldn't have been interesting anyway, because most of the cooking days were simply making more (in different versions) of recipes I'd already made. I made at least two batches of breakfast pizza, and 3-4 batches of calzones (including one "breakfast calzone" experiment). I definitely went crazy on the calzones!

All in all, I'd say this month was a smashing success in the freezer cooking department. I'm not sure what the final count of meals is, but I think I overshot my goal. My mom, MIL, and a friend each have been given bags containing one full week of food to store in their extra freezers. If I can make up a few more breakfasts/lunches I will probably give my mom another bag, as I have nearly enough food to make another. That's the full month of food, breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Even after that I'll have more dinners, thanks to the many pounds of fish and chicken I got earlier this month. Those are helping me make it through the last couple weeks of pregnancy more comfortably. IT really is nice to have my choice of dinner available with minimal preparation required.

So there's the update on May! Thanks for following along with me! It's really great to know that once this baby comes I won't have to worry about meals for awhile! :-)

39 weeks

It's been quiet around here, and that wasn't planned on my part. In fact, I have a handful of posts that are completely ready to go, and just didn't post them. Writing is one of my first loves, but sometimes even the process of writing must be put aside for a time. Late pregnancy is one of those times I need to be a bit quieter.

Pregnancy is progressing well--as of today I am at 39 weeks. Based on statistics and what I've been feeling in my body I am expecting about 2 weeks more before I meet my little one. Of course, that may be a little more or a little less--there is no way to tell.

Late pregnancy has had its challenges, as my husband can attest. The diminishing energy levels truly have been the most difficult for me to deal with. Slowing down is not my strong point. I've fallen into a pattern of "one day on, one day off." I will work hard and get a great deal done one day, only to find the next that simply getting out of bed is a challenge--much less doing anything more than preparing the most basic of meals. After a day of recovery I'm able to get up and about again. When I skip the day of recovery, and try to push through the tiredness, I pay dearly for the indiscretion. It takes much longer to recover from two "on" days back-to-back. This makes weekends rough--as the Friday, Saturday, Sunday string doesn't lend itself to a "down" day.

Baby is still being a wiggle worm, but has much less space to work with. Instead of feeling kicks and punches,  I feel squirming. Sometimes I know Baby is trying to stretch out, because I will suddenly feel short of breath. Baby is pushing up and I don't have as much room to breathe. Other times, especially in the evening right before bed time, I feel baby much lower--creating the strangest sensations. I can only imagine that s/he is turning his/her head back and forth.

Last week my cousin Jenny took my hubby and I out for maternity pictures. She did an amazing job, as you can tell from the pictures! Even my hubby enjoyed getting our pictures done, and he's not usually too crazy about the occasional obligatory picture session. If any of you live in the area, Jenny is the owner of 100 Years From Now Photography, and does a fantastic job all around (though my favorites are the maternity and babies... For obvious reasons :-P)

Friday we had our first sonogram. I won't tell the whole story, but when we went to the doctor we hadn't planned on getting a sonogram done. It was a miscommunication. However, once we realized the error we decided to go ahead with the sonogram--but not find out the gender. With less than 2 weeks till the "due date" I didn't want a doctor to tell me. I want my husband to make the announcement just before handing me my little one. The sonogram did assure us that we are carrying one very healthy baby, in the realm of 7-8 lbs, about as far along as we expected. All good things to know.

Can you see Baby's face? Both are face shots--the one on the left is clearer. I love it! I'm so used to seeing mid-term sonograms that I didn't realize how developed and clear the picture would be! Seeing Baby is so incredible.

One thing that has been on my mind is the parallels that God has given us in our relationship with Him and pregnancy. Perhaps the most vivid picture God has given us of Christ's return is the wait a mother has for the delivery of her little one. With all the advances that medical science has made, we still cannot predict a woman's true "due date" with any more accuracy than "sometime between week 38-42." We toss around "estimated" due dates (the 40 week mark) while knowing that only 7% of babies are actually born ON their "due date." When a woman gets to late pregnancy, the closest she can know is that she will meet her little one soon. But soon is undefined. It could be a couple days, a couple weeks--or even a month, she doesn't know. But she has to be ready for the moment of labor to come at any time. She finds a tension between her desire to meet her little one, and her desire to be fully prepared for his arrival.

“But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

In the same way we can't know when exactly Christ is coming. We know he is coming soon--but soon is undefined. It could be a couple days, a couple months, or not in our lifetime. We don't know. But we do know that the moment of His coming could be at any time, and we must be prepared for it. We find a tension  between our desire to meet our Jesus face to face, and our desire to be fully prepared for his arrival.

A good picture, isn't it? Such is our God.

In the meantime, if things progress the way I expect them to, I hope to get one more pregnancy post in before the baby comes. But if the next pregnancy post is to announce a new little blessing, I can't say I'd mind!

Italian Sausage Calzones

My freezer cooking posts have been sparse this week, and not because I haven't been working on projects! Tomorrow I'm getting a 40 lb shipment of chicken breasts from Zaycon. Yes, 40 lbs. So, outside of a few burritos, my freezer cooking this week has been focused on preparing for the influx of chicken my home will see about 10 hours from now. Thankfully one of  my Doulas is coming over to help me tomorrow--otherwise this would be biting off more than I can chew!

In the meantime, I wanted to do a test run of one of the recipes we'll be making tomorrow, so I whipped up a batch of calzones. As I don't have the chicken yet the stuffing is a little different than it will be tomorrow. I used Italian sausage, homemade marinara, and mozerella cheese.

I got a dozen calzones out of the batch, and my hubby and I each "tested" one. So, 10 for going in the freezer, or five lunches. Not bad for an evenings work! The calzones were so good and so inexpensive I really can't believe I'm only now getting around to making them. This recipe will definitely be seeing more use  in the future.

Now I'm going to head to bed and get some rest before tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have a good report to share Friday evening or Saturday!

37 weeks--and full term!

Yes, indeed--I have made it to 37 weeks, which means that I am now considered full term. Yipee!! Even though I'm expecting this baby to go to about 41 weeks (the average length of pregnancy is 41 weeks and a day, and this is especially true for first time moms), it's nice to be at this final stage.

Pregnancy has treated me well--I've felt "pregnant" but I haven't felt poorly. I'm moving slower than I used to, needing more breaks, taking more naps, and needing to conserve energy. But that's a good thing, and the fact that I'm no longer working outside the home makes it easier.

My major project this month has been final prep on the nursery, and freezer cooking. My goal is to have at least one month of freezer meals ready to go before baby arrives (5 breakfasts, 5 lunches, 5 dinners). I'm going to divide the food by weeks, and have four different friends/family members keep each week. These meals won't be used immediately following the birth--our church will provide the first week. After that I'll have at least a couple weeks of help from my extended family. The freezer meals I'm making will be for when I'm back to doing the cooking, and need to ease into the responsibilities.

As the time draws closer speculation about the gender of our little one has increased. At my first baby shower one of the games we played was going through the old wives tales and seeing what they say about ME. According to that game, 9 of 12 predicted a girl. :P

Sunday My hubby grabbed his granny (who thus far has had a near 100% correct prediction rate) and asked her. We've asked her a couple times in the past, but she said she couldn't tell because I was so small. At this point she can't say that anymore! With just a few weeks left I won't be getting a lot bigger than I already am! But again, she said she couldn't tell with me. My torso is long and I'm carrying the baby long--not high or low, but both! So, still no verdict from Granny. I think she's just playing it safe.

Of course, I've had some totally random un-asked-for predictions--like when I visited a new store a couple days ago and a man came up to me and announced I was having a girl (there was no other conversation, just "oh, hello, you're having a girl, by the way.") I told him we didn't know one way or the other yet, and with a good deal of conviction he replied, "Oh, no. You ARE having a girl. You can tell whoever you like that the man from Jamaica you met in the store today has said so."

Okay....

Just for fun, here are a few old wives tales I found online (it's a different list than what was used at my shower, as I don't remember all of those).

1.Do you crave the heals of bread or the middle?
Heals: Boy
Middle: Girl
Answer: Neither? I eat both. 

2.Hands Chapped/Dry or Softer?
Chapped: Boy
Softer: Girl
Answer: Dry--but they were always dry

3.Eating more or sick/nauseated?
Eating more: Boy
Sick: Girl
Answer: Eating more! Boy!

4. Can people tell you are pregnant from the back? Or are you pregnant all over?
Can't tell from the back: Girl
All over: Boy
Answer: I don't look pregnant from the back--Girl!

5. During the pregnancy, have you been crabby or happy?
Crabby: girl
Happy: boy
Answer: Uhmm.... yes? Happy overall, but its been mood swing city here. Which I guess would lean toward a girl. :-P

6.Carrying low or high?
Low: Boy
High: Girl
Answer: Personally, I think I'm carrying high. But what do you think? 

7.Do you crave sweet foods or sour/salty foods?
Salty/Sour: Boy
Sweet: Girl
Answer: Haha--this is a "yes" too! I'm not big on salty, but I totally go for both sour and sweet. 

8.Is the heartbeat high or low:
High: Girl
Low: Boy
Answer: High--girl!

9.Which side do you lay on when resting:
Left: Boy
Right: Girl
Answer: Either. Left mostly, but that is a conscious decision. 

10.During the pregnancy, have you been clumsy or graceful?
Clumsy: Boy
Graceful: Girl
Answer: I haven't noticed a change, so graceful. Girl! 

 11.Has the husband put on weight during the pregnancy?
Yes: Girl
No: Boy
Answer: No--boy!

12.Consider the Mother’s age at conception and the year of conception.
Both even or Both odd: Girl
One is even and one is odd: Boy
Answer: Odd/odd--girl!


Score: 
Boy: 4
Girl: 6
Either: 2 


So it's still pretty evenly divided. I guess we'll find out in just a few more weeks!

Mothers Day...

This is my second Mothers day. This time last year we announced my pregnancy when my husband bought me a corsage and I wore it to church on Mothers Day. Some people guessed as soon as they saw it. Most just wondered why I choose to wear one on Mothers day, even though I wasn't actually a mother. A few asked. The "slow reveal" was perfect, as I got to enjoy each person's reaction one by one. I still remember the shocked delight as I surprised each one of my siblings with the news.

I was even able to tell both sides of the family at the same time, because with some creative wheedling I'd managed to convince my unsuspecting parents that they really DID need to visit our church on Sunday (mom and dad are pretty involved with their own church, as we are with ours, so visits one way or the other are rare treats). It helped that we were doing our Easter play two weeks late--hence the Bible Costumes in the picture.

Of course, I didn't know that God would take that little one home just six weeks later, and my husband and I would be plunged into a fight for joy such as we'd never known before. It's a good thing we don't know the future.

Now it is Mothers Day again. Instead of waiting on pins and needles for the day to arrive when I can make my announcement, my pregnancy this year is already quite evident to the world. No one will wonder this year whether I "really am" a mother. The next baby announcement coming up for our family is the birth of our little one--and I certainly hope that announcement WON'T be made today!!

All the same, ever since the sonogram three weeks ago Christian, my first baby, has been on my mind constantly. I realized that day, yet again, that a mama's heart never truly stops missing her little ones. We can move on, we can trust God, we can have faith--but the longing ache is never fully gone.

This Mothers Day has definitely been a different experience. I'm a mama, and not exactly a new one. At least, not as new a mama as I was last year. It's a happy day again--one full of joyful expectation. But there also is sorrow as I remember the baby I lost along with the baby that has been given. But that's what being a mother is--it's bitter sweet.

Always bitter sweet.